Unable to Touch
by Laitaine-Arnostale
Summary: Mystique sees Kurt again for the first time in years - and it hurts more than she expected. A short fic set in X2, spoiler-ish.


A/N: Hey all it's me again! I could post another chapter but a) I'd rather keep everyone in suspense (mwahahaha) and b) this idea has been running around in my little cramped brain since I saw X2 and learned that Mystique is Kurt's mother. At first I hated that chick cuz she's such a b*^@#, but once I heard that I got a little soft spot for her. Anyway, enjoy. 

Disclaimed: I own squat.  And since I don't need Marvel or anyone jumping down my throat about copyrighting, I altered quotes from the movie and the book.

Unable to Touch

            Mystique stood at Eric's side and watched the jet come streaking towards them. Eric shook his head and sighed in amusement.  She agreed with his sentiment – these wannabe heroes could take on all sorts of mutant "villains," but they couldn't even hold off the US Air Force.

            With apparent reluctance, Eric raised a hand and half-closed his eyes.  The wreckage on the back of the X-Men's _Blackbird_ seemed to fold back into place, and as the jet careened towards them, he slowed it down. When it was about fifteen feet off the ground, it stopped completely, and Mystique could see the shocked faces of Jean Grey and Ororo Munroe staring back at them.

            "All this time and these people still can't fly properly," Eric chuckled. Clearing his throat, he raised his voice enough for them to hear him.  "Since I caught you, will you hear me out?"

            Nodding heads responded, and Eric lowered the aircraft into the clearing, setting it down with gentleness the pilots couldn't achieve.  The ramp lowered and the occupants exited; Jean and Storm first, and she sighed in anticipation as Logan followed them.  Then – 

            _Oh, sweet Jesus, no – _

            Kurt Wagner followed the trio down the ramp.  Eric glanced at her briefly, knowing how she felt, then continued forward.  It was all Mystique could do to keep from losing her cocky demeanor, and it took all of her will to keep her gaze on either Logan or Eric – but it kept straying back to her long-lost son.

            _And I can't even approach him – I can't tell him anything, and I want to so badly – why did it turn out this way?_

            Because her mission had ended, that was why.  She had borne Kurt while posing as a German countess – and once her cover was blown by giving birth to what certainly looked like a demon, she'd had to flee and abandon the baby in Germany.

            Finally Eric led the others away, and Kurt was left in the company of a teenage boy and – Rogue.  The girl was glaring daggers at her, and Mystique smiled nastily in return – hard to feign, given that she had adopted Rogue at age three, and that she was closer to her biological son than she had been in years – then forced herself to follow Eric back to his arranged meeting.

            She could barely focus on what he was saying – not that she needed to, since she had found the information he was talking about – but she had appearances to keep up, and that façade did not involve wishing she could embrace her son again.

            However, she did focus when Eric looked up into the trees and summoned Kurt Wagner down to the ground.  He glanced at her briefly as he landed, making her heart shatter anew, but then Jean Grey stood between them to read his mind.  She watched in agony as his face contorted with memories he tried to suppress – memories she knew involved that sonofabitch, William Stryker.  Finally Kurt threw his head back and howled, overwhelmed by memories, and Mystique involuntarily clenched both jaw and fists.  Logan, of course, noticed, but for once she ignored him and watch Kurt retreat into the shadows, nervously knotting up his crucifix.

            _I gave you that, do you remember? I wrapped that into your blankets that night – if only I'd had the sense to leave a note, then maybe you wouldn't look at me with fear – _

She dared to give him a small smile when she saw him watching her again.  To her immense surprise and complete joy, he returned it.

            And it was almost enough.

******

            The tents were being set up for the night and Mystique was lounging against a tree, waiting for Logan to stop flirting with Jean and go the hell to sleep already.  After all, he was the only thing she had to take her mind off Kurt, and she couldn't stand it much longer.

            She was so focused on _not_ focusing on Kurt that he took her completely by surprise when he walked up next to her.

            "Excuse me," he said softly, and Mystique refused to show anything keeping her eyes fixed on where Logan had been standing.  "They say you can imitate anyone, even their voice."

            She nodded, then shifted her vocal cords slightly to match his rich, deep tone.  "Even their voice."

            Kurt was clearly delighted by this display, but his happiness faded almost immediately.  He walked around her so she couldn't avoid looking at him, and met his eyes.  She could see his pain, and hated it, and hated the fact that she couldn't do anything about it.  _Kurt, if only you knew how much this is hurting me…_ He continued, blissfully oblivious to her inner torment.  "Then why not be disguised all the time? Why do you not choose to look like everyone else?"

            "Because I shouldn't have to," she retorted, knowing she was hurting him by not acknowledging the fact that he had no choice about how he looked.  She walked away, somehow maintaining her cool composure, and entered the tent she shared with Eric.  _He'd better not be pretending to sleep and avoiding me, or he'll pay for it tomorrow._  Mystique dared to look out the door one last time, trying to catch a last glimpse of Kurt.

            He was still standing in the clearing, face raised towards the moonlight, murmuring a prayer in German.  Clasped in front of him was the crucifix, and she could almost make out what he was saying.

            "_Bless Mystique, and give her the knowledge that things can be different…and Lord, tell me why I feel so strange around her…_"

            Tears fell for the first time that night, and Mystique dropped the tent flap in place and curled up on the floor of the tent.  But as she lay there, she felt peaceful, and felt, for the first time, that maybe someday the answers would come to them both.  Maybe when this whole mess was over and they had nothing to fear, the truth would come out.  And they could both be finally happy – and whole.

A/N: k well I think the ending sucks but hey, conclusions were always my weak spot. Review s'il vous plait!!!


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